Relationships, phew! So, lately I have hearing a lot about relationships.
Those who are single want to have someone special in their lives, and those who are in a relationship want to either get rid of it or have just settled for whoever they have. There are only a handful of people around us who are genuinely satisfied with their partners and their choices.
But how do we understand relationships really? And I am not talking about the typical Bollywood love stories that we have come across!! But rather the practical ones! The ones where you weigh the pros and cons of being with someone and, observe and assess whether the union makes sense or not. Relationships can be of different kinds. For example, the relationship between two friends, the relationship between a parent and their offspring, a relationship between a pet and his owner, or a relationship between two consenting adults.
For the sake of this post, let us assume we are talking about a union between two consenting adults who wish to go beyond the physical attraction to build something better. I know union sounds a bit on the heavy side, but let us face it, our emotions are heavy. We all assume that we are unaffected by the events that happen in our life but in reality, our actions mould us into who we are today. Can’t deny that truth y’all! Scary, isn’t it?
Anyway, in order to better understand whether a union is working in our favour or not, I have decided to do what every other cosmopolitan magazine is doing today, discuss the different signs to help you all decide whether your union is going to work in your favour or not.
Sign Number One: Wow, a huge round of applause for all of us for even assuming that we all fall in the same basket! Especially when we know that each individual is different from the rest?
It is like the Industrial revolution all over again where all of us were just expected to fit into the 9-5 profiles and anyone who did not fit the profile was mocked! Don’t we already have so many websites telling us what a good and a healthy union looks like? Feels like? Sounds like? Appears to be etc.? Do we really need one more blog post telling us how to behave, what to follow, what to say, what to expect, how to sit, how to talk, be a dog?
Sign Number Two: We all are afraid of uncertainties! But our entire lives are uncertain except for the choices we make today! So, how can we know if two people are meant to be with each other or not? Or whether two people will ‘surely’ end up with each other? You see, the statement itself is so flawed! How can anyone know anything for sure? Especially something that may or may not even happen in the future!!!?
Sign Number Three: We have all been brought up in the bubble of fear! Especially the fear of losing! The illusions of a ‘secure job’, ‘a secure place to live’, ‘a secure partner’! Really? Secure? Are we that afraid of our own insecurities that we can’t handle some risk in life? Also, the clarity that we expect from our partners, do we have the same clarity within ourselves? How many times have you felt like eating one flavour of ice cream but ended up thinking maybe the other one would have been better? Imagine feeling that way about another human being? Well, it is a slow process, more like an acquired taste, I guess.
Sign Number Four: TV soap operas, movies and other modes of entertainment have fooled us into believing that all is merry when two people are in love! Logic states otherwise! The arguments, well, they are inevitable. When two different independent beings get together, friction will be there. How you define your union, then decides whether you wish to continue staying or leaving. If you feel like the union majorly has faults and arguments, you are bound to only encounter arguments and faults even if the union has had good moments.
Sign Number Five: Really? You still want me or anyone else for that matter, to tell you how to conduct your union? Force you to adhere to a pattern and prove all the articles and papers out there right? Have you ever wondered that you are fueling such articles? And the reason most of them talk about the same signs is because they want you to blindly follow their suggestions like a sheep?
Now, getting to the awkward part where I will also give you a series of suggestions. As I said above, do not blindly follow the suggestions just because someone has written them. These suggestions are generic and hence can be moulded to suit your needs. But if you believe it does not suit your situation, you can very well skip the next part.
There is a certain state of mind that is needed to build a union between two people. It might seem easy at first but bear in mind that it requires a lot of effort.
Get to know your partner first. There are two people involved in a union. This I believe is the most logical Step 1 before you build a union. You must know a person’s value system to know whether two people can work in unison. Why is that? Because there is only so much a person can change and the deeply rooted beliefs and values are the most difficult to change!
Don’t assume that your partner is perfect because honestly, they are just like you! Both parties are bound to make mistakes. It is the lesson that matters more than the mistake. So, learn from your mistakes in the union like you learn in your life!
No matter what you tell yourself, every action you take, every choice you make is in some form or manner satisfying some feeling inside of you. You cannot blame your partner for the choices you have made in your life!
Even the simplest acts of kindness on your front have an emotional satisfaction associated to it. It is important to acknowledge this aspect as it is true between two people as well. There is always an ulterior reason behind each decision we take.
Create an environment where doubts can be raised, issues can be addressed without judgement, problems can be resolved without hurting each other! Set some ground rules for when both parties are angry! If you think you are going to break even one of them, walk away! Words once spoken cannot be taken back! Come back when you are ready to have a conversation decently without personally attacking their self respect.
Educate yourself towards ways of conducting yourselves better in order to bring the best out of each other. Work together, not in isolation, not against but together! That is how you will build a rapport between each other that will also push you towards growth.
Learn the art of controlling yourself! Humans are the most evolved species for a reason! If you still have not figured it out, then let me tell you. YOU HAVE FULL CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE. EVERY ACTION, EVERY REACTION, EVERY THOUGHT, EVERY CHOICE. Do not underestimate yourself or your partner.
This is just the beginning, if you have found yourself a partner, work with them! Figure out what your values are and whether your dreams about the future fall on the same spectrum! If not, then see if you can reach a common ground. There are many more such things that need to be considered! I hope this helps you get a head start. You will find your way eventually if you open yourself up to these practical requirements.
Wish you all the best in your lives and your relationships and unions!
Until next time!