What is a Closure anyway?

In my last post, we discussed the difference between right and wrong focusing on whether there is a right or wrong after all. I talked about certain subjective situations in which it is difficult to understand the difference between right and wrong and how that then makes it all the more difficult to actually come to an understanding on who to blame. A lot of you spoke to me about ‘closure’ and some of you even went ahead commenting on how closure was a natural occurrence in such situations. But is it natural? What is closure anyway?

The dictionary definition of closure states, ‘an act or process of closing something, especially an institution, thoroughfare, or frontier, or of being closed’. Amongst its synonyms include terms like shutting down, closing down or winding up. So, if we had to go by the dictionary definition, we must shut close that chapter in our lives and move on, isn’t it? But do we get any of that in real life?

Think about the lost friendships, the broken relationships, the distance that somehow crept up in between two siblings and ask yourself whether even today, sometimes, you think about how things were and wondered what could have been changed to bring things back to the way they were. I am not talking about acting on those instincts but just acknowledging their presence. Even to this day, I wonder what I could have done differently to still be friends with that guy, to still be able to talk to him as openly as I used to. But can we change anything that already happened? What if, instead of calling it closure, we told ourselves, ‘coming to terms with the reality’ or ‘accepting things for the way they are’ instead of simply ‘closing a chapter and moving on’?

‘Coming to terms with the reality’ and ‘accepting things for the way they are’ is much different from getting a closure. We barely ever get closure in life. We always have the memories in the form of feelings or thoughts echoeing in our heads reminding us of the lessons we have learnt from them all. All our experiences teach us something and if we started to get closures, our learnings would be lost behind those closed doors. Let us look at it in another way; you might not remember the first time you burnt yourself but you do remember the sensation and how it felt otherwise you wouldn’t have been so careful around hot stuff. If you got closure and moved on in life, in a way that you stopped thinking about it altogether, would you remember anything about the instant when you burnt yourself and be careful later on? Wouldn’t you be burning your finger each time as if its a new experience? So, that would mean, shutting the door to that memory of your life in such a way that you never really remember it happened and end up making those mistakes over and over?

But maybe if you accepted things for the way they are, allowing yourself to learn from the experience and move past the pain, you would be more mature and empathetic towards others and your own life situations. It would help you grow in life and do things differently each time and learning from those events. Let us understand here that there is no right or wrong here but we could always strive to do things better. If you feel that getting closure is the best way forward, so be it. I do hope you find the beauty and the openness to consider the act of ‘accepting things for the way they are’ and seeing whether that works for you in your life.

PS: I would love to hear what you have to say about this one! Comment on the post to let me know your thoughts!

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